I don’t know if you have ever felt this way.

I decided one year to cook an authentic Thanksgiving meal for my three nieces. Of course the rest of the family would get to eat, but this completely home cooked from scratch experience was specifically for the girls. I wanted them to have their great grandmother’s homemade sweet potato pie so I made the crust from scratch. Any other time I might take the easy road and buy a crust, but not this time. I also wanted them to have their grandmother’s (my mom’s) homemade cornbread dressing. I made it from scratch. Everything was made from scratch. I made my candied yams and fresh collard greens. As I was doing all of this cooking I could feel the love of the women in my family who are not here anymore and who are. It was a beautiful experience, but deep down in my soul I felt a twinge of sadness. I wanted to be making the meal for my child. I wanted to pass on the traditions to her. Somehow it just didn’t feel complete. There are rainy Saturday’s that I will wake up and feel like making my mother’s soup from scratch with the homemade bread that I grew up on. I have done it, but again, I always say to myself “one day I will make this for my child.” I can feel a tingly sensation after I say that. It’s the feeling of anticipation and excitement like I used to feel as a kid on Christmas Eve.

Perhaps you have felt some version of this just like me.

What I look forward to as a mother is sharing lots of love and tradition coming straight from my kitchen. My Godson is a skinny little toddler and I am always trying to fatten him up with homemade goodies from my kitchen.

I also love to experience and share culture thanks to my mother who was a librarian. I love lazy Saturday trips to the library to look through the stacks. As a teen I worked at the library shelving books and reading to kids.

I love museums and every vacation involves soaking up the local history and art. I have enjoyed Native American tours and pow wows. That is a part of my ancestral background as well so I enjoy experiencing it.

My child will be exposed to everything. That is how I was raised. As a child my twin sister and I had dance classes, ice skating lessons, soccer, kickball, basketball, swimming lessons, vacation Bible school, summer reading challenges, cello lessons, trips to the opera and ballet. We got to experience the world through food. Every Sunday my mother would cook a meal from a different country. She would pull out her cookbooks and get to work. We learned about the world through her cooking. I am definitely a well-rounded woman because of that upbringing. I will do the same for my child.

There is also nothing more special than a quiet walk on the nature trail by my house. I usually just walk and listen to what I hear from the sounds of birds to the water gently moving. I smell the freshly cut grass and observe what I see. It’s a great way to care for myself. And I look forward to sharing that with my child.

I am a public radio nerd with NPR being the sound track of my childhood growing up. PBS was always on TV too. I’m grateful that I get to work in that industry as a grown woman. I am a lifelong learner and love the values of public media. I am an executive producer and host of a public radio newsmagazine. I’m doing my dream job. I love education as well. I am proud to have earned a Master’s Degree at the start of my career.

I love birds and fish and have had them as pets. I fondly remember my parakeet “Beamer.” One day my sister and I were on our way to work our summer college jobs at IBM. As we got out of the car we noticed a parakeet who walked right up to us! We wondered how he could be outside. He was probably abandoned. We put him in a box and had my mother take him home. Later we got him a cage and all the luxury bird things he needed. We named him Beamer as that is what employees of IBM were called. He was very human and we were most tickled when Beamer would watch us eat and suddenly join us by eating his birdseed as we ate our dinner! After he passed away my mother put him in the freezer in the basement until we came home from college that spring and we buried him in the yard. My heart can’t deal with another parakeet yet.

I also love dogs. I don’t currently have one living with me, but I’m an aunt to several friends’ dogs.

My IVF journey started after prayer and breathing in a healthy dose of courage. I am a woman that was waiting for “Mr. Right” to sweep me off my feet and put a ring on it. Of course a baby would follow. The fantasy has not lived up to reality. While I believe a wonderful man will come one day, for now I am fulfilled living single. But I am not fulfilled living childless. It is amazing that today women can go on and start a family without “Mr. Right.” I have a dear sorority sister of mine who recently welcomed a child through IVF. She is a successful career woman like me and is doing an amazing job of motherhood. She is a support system for me. My twin sister is also part of my support system. My brother and his wife and my three nieces cannot wait to help me with “the baby.” We are a mighty group of loving people who are committed to raising this child with love. My Godson can’t wait to have a sister or brother. He is an only child who has two loving parents who will be God mother and God father to my child.

I have had two rounds of IVF. The first time I got pregnant, but a miscarriage happened very early. The second time I did not get pregnant. While my heart is broken, my resolve is not. I am having a baby. I would not have started this journey in faith if I did not trust that the outcome would be successful. It will be. I just know it.